I KNOW I CAN'T GO BACK

I know I can’t go back
I want to be a child again,
Sans tension and pain
Moving as easy as a star
Driving my small hot wheels car
Ripping our Barbie dolls and making new clothes,
When irritated we break their heads and their toes
Stethoscope around the neck and pencil in our hands, poking each other’s tiny backsides and say “now you are fine”
Bringing puppies and kittens home from the streets,
Decorating them with beads and flowers
Troubling tiny fireflies and frogs
With dragonfly’s tail tied to a thread sprinting left and right
“zoom, here comes my helicopter”
Doodling and embossing hands on the walls
As toddlers, holding hands and running together “you be dad and I’ll be mom” under that house made up of a torn bed sheet
Sitting in one corner of the house next to a flower pot cooking food with leaves and branches in tandem with a kitchen set,
Stealthily looking around and eating things from the ground
“kooo-chhuk chhuk” here comes the greatest train in the world,
With young ladies in their mommy’s best lip stick and stilettos
With young lads in their dad’s most expensive coats
I know I can’t go back
Back to those sleepless afternoons
Into those crazy sand castles
To those fights which said “boys are best-NO girls are best”
Kicking, hitting, pulling hair
Yelling, shrilling with all the guts in the air
Running inside the house with a monster shout
Hugging mom from her legs with wet eyes and a puppy pout
Running behind grand mom for some pennies to get candies and that the doctor said would make our teeth rot.
Then we’re stuffed full to overflowing, our faces a collage of mango, chocolate and snot
Pestering parents to buy us things that neighbor’s child had
There were millions of things I know that we did,
We dreamed, we fought, we were punished, we were kids.
I conjure in my mind, these memories in my head,
And I refuse to come back- I’ll live here instead.